When your girlfriend gets into the shower on cold winter mornings, put a clean towel in the dryer. When you hear the water turn off, grab the towel from the dryer and bring…
I put my fish in time out because he kept trying to eat my other fish.
I hope that little fucker learned his lesson
hE looks sO sAD
probably because he can’t fucking breathe because you put him in a seale container that’s like 200 sizes too small for him
FISHES BREATHE WATER
fish breathe oxygen in the water and there’s no source of oxygen for the water because it’s a closed bag.
humans breathe air but if i stuff you in a big ole ziplock bag and seal it like that it’ll be a short fuckin time before you suffocate i guarantee it.
girls are amazing i just watched my friend change 8 times before picking an outfit you girls are so dedicated to looking good i can’t believe there are men out there sitting in their cum stained sweatpants trying to tell you what you’re allowed to wear
and it’s amazing
but wait there’s more
omg and then
"Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?" OMFG so good!
why get a job when you can sell oregano to middle-schoolers and tell them it’s weed
Remember when Obama brought them home?
This post got so much better
Remember when he redeployed them in like 6 months?
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN
I am so sexually confused right now
sexual orientation: dancers
i drooled on myself
i just watched this 8 times.
i think dogs have elevator music playing in their heads at all times